Adam R Brown

I’ve been thinking lately about what thinking people know. After all, I regularly read comments on various websites to the effect that “thinking people know” this or that.

There’s a problem. I rarely agree with what the commenter claims “thinking people know.” I am forced to the only logical conclusion: I am not a thinking person.

To fill the gaps in my knowledge, I thought it might be worthwhile to scour the internet to learn what I would know if I were a thinking person. So I did a google search for the phrase “thinking people know.” Here’s a sampling of what I found in the first forty or fifty results. I’ve included all but a handful of uninteresting facts.

To begin, I learned that I know very little about books and movies:

Thinking people know Mulholland Drive was the best film of 2001. Those who think otherwise are simply wrong. (source )

Thinking people know that Middlemarch is the greatest novel in English. (source )

I also learned a thing or two about Obama.

Thinking people know that the ONLY reason Obama is in the running is his race. (source )

Thinking people know that Obama is the best person for the job. (source )

Assuming those two statements are true–and they must be, since thinking people know them–it must be that thinking people support Obama, and they do so only because he is black.

In contrast to this clear thinking about Obama, thinking people have conflicted feelings about George Bush. They appear to love and hate him, all at the same time.

Thinking people know that Bush is an evil moron. (source )

Thinking people know that torture isn’t okay. Not at all, not ever. Not even in the nonsensical “ticking time bomb” scenario. (source )

Thinking peole know that Bush is in bed with Saudi Arabia. Of course … not. (source )

Similarly, thinking people cannot decide between secularism and religion. Maybe they haven’t finished thinking about it yet.

Thinking people know that secularism has failed to be a sound foundation of our social order. (source )

Thinking people know that an immoral society cannot stand. Consider the cause of the fall of the Roman Empire or the great Greek culture. (source )

Thinking people know that the Bible isn’t the “word of God” in any verbal or literal sense. Does it make sense to refer to God as “Father Almighty?” (source )

Thinking people know that truths can vanish as quickly as they emerge. (source )

Thinking people have interesting views about economics. Perhaps if we thought as much as they do, we would concur.

Thinking people know that workers are commodities to be used. Unions are destroying this nation by letting workers think they actually have value. (source )

Thinking people know that only the State can fulfill this role. You simply must learn that the government knows what’s best for you and will take care of you. Just as you have a right and entitlement to be taken care of by the State, so do your children. (source )

If those two statements leave you bewildered, don’t worry. Thinking people foresaw your confusion:

Thinking people know in their hearts there is something seriously wrong with economics. (source )

Incidentally, observe from that last quotation that apparently thinking people do much of their thinking in their hearts–not their minds.

Moving on. Thinking people know lots of things about the 1960s.

Thinking people know Vietnam was a disaster for the United States. (source )

Thinking people know that being a feminist means being a man-hater. (source )

Thinking people know that the CIA had to get their drug supply for Los Angeles from somewhere. Is it such a leap that those drugs were traded for bombs? (source )

In fact, thinking people know lots of things about all sorts of topics. Here are some more miscellaneous nuggets of knowledge:

Thinking people know that obesity is not one’s own fault, it’s the fault of society. (source )

Thinking people know that Palestine was once a state where Jews, Christians, and Muslims co-existed without too much conflict or bother. (source )

Thinking people know that election spending is out of control, that the present system of campaign finance is corrupt and that only reactionaries block reform. (source )

Thinking people know that climate change, like nuclear war, will affect all of us. And if not us today, then our children tomorrow. (source )

Thinking people know that gun control is stupid, disproven, and the debate is over. Leave it to urban intellectuals from New York to espouse gun control. (source )

Don’t let that last one confuse you. Remember, just because you may be an intellectual does not mean you are a thinking person.

On another topic, it appears that thinking people like baseball–but not my home team:

Thinking people know the Padres suck. (source )

I’ve made slight edits to a few of those quotes, but I promise I found all of them in the first three or four pages of results on Google. Apparently, thinking people have all sorts of interesting ideas. We should all make more of an effort to learn things that thinking people already know.

What do we non-thinking people learn from all this? If I may be so bold, I decided to phrase what I learned in the popular “thinking people know” format:

Thinking people know that if your claim begins with “thinking people know,” you probably have no authority to finish your sentence.

Look folks, there are thinking people on both sides of every issue. All 9 Supreme Court justices are clearly thinking people, and yet the Court rarely rules unanimously. Most governors and senators are thinking people, yet they always find things to disagree about.

If you think that “thinking people” agree with you, then you are deceiving yourself. No matter which side you’re on, there are thinking people on the other. There are also be ignorant, bigoted, closed-minded, foolish people on the other side, but don’t let their presence blind you to the thinking people’s presence as well.

In the immortal words of Dave Barry, one of America’s thinkingest people,

Do we truly believe that ALL red-state residents are ignorant racist fascist knuckle-dragging NASCAR-obsessed cousin-marrying road-kill-eating tobacco-juice-dribbling gun-fondling religious fanatic rednecks; or that ALL blue-state residents are godless unpatriotic pierced-nose Volvo-driving France-loving left-wing Communist latte-sucking tofu-chomping holistic-wacko neurotic vegan weenie perverts?

I certainly hope not. Further reading .